ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

This entry is inspired and in response to my Tito Jim's entry on his blog entitled "asking for something and getting it".

Ask and you shall receive. That is such an alien concept to me. I grew up learning not to ask for what I want, either because it is too expensive, or nakakahiya to ask it from another person. It was a good lesson to learn though. I still find it rude to ask people for really expensive gifts, especially if you're not that close. And it's also rude to ask and ask and ask. And it is a blessing to your parents if you don't ask for expensive things, especially when your budget is tight. But I guess, as with all things, there is a downside to that.

This is the dilemma I have been facing for a long time now, and I think, this is what is at the bottom of my crises for the past (at least) 5 years. I don't know what I want. Or, maybe more accurately, I don't want to ask for what I want because it might be "too much to ask for". Nakakahiya . I want to improve my photography skills but I hold back when I see how much the lessons cost, and how much equipment costs, and how competitive it can get. (See how bad it is, I can't even say "I want to be a photographer!" Oh no! I've said it!)

I took Tito Jim's course a few years back, "Tapping the Creative Universe" and it really brought out a lot of issues in me, and having my tito as the facilitator did not help me at all! For once, I wished I was just an anonymous person in his class, and I could share with him all my issues regarding the family and my self-esteem and all that ek-ek. It was just too much for me to deal with. Perhaps I was one of the few people for whom that workshop didn't work -- primarily because I was too close to the one giving it. (So, Tito Jim, this isn't a put-down on your workshop ha! Ako ang may problema!) But really, I had questions like, how can you pursue something that costs a lot of money when you have small kids to feed? They have the priority with my time and money. I guess things really are a lot easier if you have the money to pursue your dreams.

Anyway, I decided to answer Tito Jim's question in his blog : What's on your list?

These are the things I have asked for, which were given to me:

1) a strong, loving and passionate relationship with my husband (!)

2) two wonderfully handsome, smart, sweet and loving sons (really, when I see their Aussie counterparts here, I appreciate how nice my kids are!)

3) the chance to live in another country

4) to write articles in a magazine or newspaper (see the next list though.....)

5) to have my pictures published in a magazine or newspaper (see the next list though...)

6) I didn't really ask for this, because it never really entered my mind to ask for it, I never even new there would be such a thing....but when by some twist of fate, I found myself being the editor-in-chief of the Xavier School website. That to me is still one of the highest points of my life....a close second to the births of my two boys, and my wedding day. Thank you Fr. Johnny, I will be forever grateful!

7) to get recognized on a national level for something I have done -- although my name isn't on that award, I helped Xavier to get teh 2004 CMMA award for best Internet site! So now, I have a CMMA, just like my parents! (Although I don't have the award itself -- ok lang!)

8) I asked to have a good relationship with my father, because I felt he was very distant when I was growing up. But for most of my adult life, he has been there. I am glad to have him back!

9) I asked to find a workplace to call home, and to find good friends to hang out with. Eventually, Xavier became that place, and in my last two years, I found and made many good friends, whom I miss very much!>

Thank you God, for giving me all these.

Oh well, I have nothing to lose. It's worth a shot. Here goes....

These are my declarations:

1) I pray that I will have that strong, loving, passionate relationship with my husband until we are old and gray.

2) I pray that my children will grow up to be good people who make positive contributions to society and do everything in the service of God

3) Because of my connections in the Philippines, the fact that I got articles and pictures published in newspapers and magazines is, I think, not counted. Or at least not yet a complete fulfillment of that wish. Now, if I can make that happen in Australia, THAT would be something to crow about! So now I declare....I pray that I could get some articles and photos published in some Australian publication.

4) I pray that I be able to publish a book someday. About what, I don't know yet.

5) I want to be a guest on Oprah! Not just a segment where they interview me because I have an unusual issue with my son that they want to resolve on air, but because of something I am doing or have done which has made a positive impact on someone somewhere.

6) I want to travel to many different countries -- even places that regular tourists don't go to. But first on my list is France. I want to see the Arc D'Triumphe and the Louvre, and I want to take pictures of everything of course!!!

7) I want to go to Disneyland with Edge and our two boys, while they are still young and they can still appreciate the magic of Disney. (Heck, I'm already 34 and I still go starry-eyed over Disneyland!)

8) Oh, how could I forget? I fervently pray that I be able to buy my dream house! And that we be able to buy Edge's dream house by the beach! And have nice, matching furniture and nice decor that have no real functional purpose other than to look nice.

9) I want to someday go back to the Philippines and share something that I have learned. (what that is, I have no idea!)

10) I want the Malata kids and JR (Dulsing's son) to have a better life than their parents had. I want them to become what they really want to be, and not settle for "Anak, eto lang ang kaya ng sueldo namin e....mag-teacher ka na lang!" (That line wasn't used on me ha....the decision to take Education was mine and mine alone!)

(How uncanny that many of my wishes are the same as Tito Jim's! Tito Jim, di kita ginaya ha. Matagal nang nakasulat sa diary ko ang mga bagay na ito!)

I guess bottom line, I want to "make it" here in Australia. I don't want to be one of those migrants who "gave up their dreams in order for their children to have a better future". Of course I want my kids to have a better future, but I want me and Edge to have a spectacular future too!

OK universe, conspire to make these declarations come true! I'll be waiting!