TEACHER'S LAMENT

I'm afraid I've lost my touch. After only a year of non-contact with kids, I have lost the classroom management skills that I had managed to develop over 9 years of teaching. Just a few years ago, I could command the whole Mullti-Purpose Center, filled with 300 or so sixth or seventh graders, to maintain silence for whatever amount of time their attention was needed. All I had to do was glare at them, and they would keep quiet.

I'd like to think it was because they respected me and didn't want to make life hard for me. I'd also like to think that even the most uncooperative student in the batch knows that he must respect his teachers. I guess it is ingrained in our culture.

Unlike the culture in which I am presently living in.

Today I was assigned to teach a Year 3 class. Philippine equivalent : Grade 2. I thought to myself, no problem! I imagined the Grade 2 students at Xavier and how easy it is to please them. I know that even if they do not know me, they know that I am a teacher and the inherent respect will be there. Boy was I wrong to expect the same of these kids.

They just do whatever they feel like doing. They move around the room as they please. If they decide that they feel like fixing the cabinet in the middle of the lesson, they fix the cabinet. They shout out their answers, they challenge your authority and make tampo if you don't let them do what they want. They totally lack discipline. But I'm proud to say that so far, the Filipinos in the classes that I've handled have all been well-behaved, and do very well academically.

In each class I've been to, the Filipino kids always approach me and ask, "Are you Filipino?" and when I say yes, they smile and say "Me too!" During recess today, one Filipina kid approached me, making sumbong that another Filipino kid called her "Dorito Nose". I took a good look at her nose to see if it was extremely triangular in shape, but it looked pretty normal to me. But then the boy protested that what he said was that she looks like Donita Rose! It turns out, the girl didn't know who Donita Rose was. I smiled and told her, "She's a very pretty actress!" Then another Filipino teased the boy, "You like her!!!!!!" I really love the Pinoy kids. They make me proud.

But getting back to the others......oh my goodness. Today more than ever, I feel that I do not want to teach anymore! Especially here! Give me the "worst" class of 40 in Xavier, I'll take them any day over a typical class of 25 here. Any day. Because you can feel the respect is there. I do not feel it here.

But I realize, I really must stop dreaming about Xavier and comparing all schools I encounter with Xavier. I just have to accept that Xavier is and always will be the best school for me, but I will never teach there again. I am here, and this is the set-up here, and nothing I can do will turn it into the Xavier set-up.

But I think that if I had this class as my own, meaning, that I had them for the whole school year, and not just for the day, I think I'd have a better time with them. I'd be able to establish my rules, they'd know I was boss, and they had no choice but to deal with me because it would be my face they see day in and day out. But today, they knew that I would be with them for only a day, so why should they show me any respect? Also, since I am new to the school, and new to the culture (!), I have a hard time determining how to implement their discipline plan, especially since it turns out, it doesn't work with the really special children.

I was supposed to teach Year 5 and Year 6 classes tomorrow but I said to myself, "Kung Year 3 pa lang, ganito na sila, paano pa kaya sa year 5 and 6?" So I decided to tell the Assistant Principal that I was having second thoughts about tomorrow. The AP was considerate enough, he swapped my load with another casual teacher. I will now be handling a Year 1 class tomorrow. And I guess he didn't take it against me, because he asked me if I will be available on Thursday as well, this time for a Year 2 class. Of course I said yes! I really like that man.

But, as I told Edge, at this point in time, I am not wishing for a full-time teaching position, but if it is offered to me, then I will have to think about it. I am just too tired and emotionally drained right now to make a rational decision.