SO OUT OF IT

There is no one to talk to here. No one. No one understands me. Hell, I can't understand myself either. About 4 months ago, my GP referred me to a counselor to help me through my adjustment period. I got a letter about a month ago saying that they would be able to accommodate me in 12 weeks' time. They'd give me a call to set the appointment. Up to this day, I have not heard from them. And I don't know -- I think a white person would not be able to relate to my problems (sorry if I'm being racist).

And much as I loved talking on the phone in Manila, I don't like talking on the phone here about problems or sad things. It's just too weird. Besides, you'd probably spend the first 30 minutes of the conversation making kumusta and all that ek-ek, especially if this would be my first time to call them from overseas. I'd rather be face to face, sitting in Starbucks Ash Creek, drinking a frappuccino, and eating Sotong.

Nobody understands me, or nobody bothers to understand me. Maybe because they've all got their own problems too which are as bad as mine. Pasensya na, I'm in self-pity mode. I'm not really talking about many of you in general. Just some. Or maybe just one. Hehehehe.....

I had two nice things done for me over the weekend. First, last Saturday, I went to the Filipino store to buy calamansi, but it was all gone! The woman who owns the store was there, and she asked her husband where he put the calamansi. The husband had kept it in the ref. He got the bag of calamansi and gave it to me. He GAVE it to me. As in gift. As in Thank you so much!!!!! Tuloy, we bought Graham crackers, Choc-nut, Snaku (for Diego) and Piknik (for Edge). That was so nice of him. I was so touched!

The second one was my dad and sister called me up today, out of the blue. Pala, Papa had read my blog and was worried that I might be depressed. That was so sweet! Of course, the call was bitin, the phone card had run out of time and so we were cut off.

I know that these are God's reminders that I am loved, and that He has not forsaken me. I just feel really lost and alone. The worst part is, there are times when I don't even feel like helping myself. I just want to wallow in self-pity and "winge" (a term I learned here in Australia -- meaning : to complain about anything and everything). I've got to get a job soon!