AN INFORMATIVE PEEK INTO THE AUSSIE'S WHITE MIND

Today I approached someone in my community whom I respect. I wanted someone to help me straighten out all the thoughts going through my mind. I had gone to him before and he was able to help me so I was quite confident that he could help me unravel the knots in my brain. But I forgot to take into consdieration, that as impartial as he is supposed to be, he is still an Aussie.

Today I realized how the Aussie sees me, a skilled migrant from the Philippines. He sees me as not being equal to him. He sees me as someone who should not aspire for too much too soon because I would only be setting myself up for disappointment. He sees me as someone who should just go home if I can't take the pressure.

When I mentioned that Edge and I got interviewed at St. Aloysius' College in Sydney, he scolded me for getting our hopes up over that job. He said that the Jesuits (it is a Jesuit school) are "high up there". I interrupted him, I think I even raised my voice at him, "So, is that because I am not good enough for them?" In that one statement I felt that he was telling me, asa ka pang makapasok sa exclusive school na ganyan! He also said that maybe I should accept that for now, I should do waitressing jobs or the like. Early in our conversation, I told him how frustrated I was with the Catholic schools here because I can see that even with my 14 years of teaching experience and my teaching degree from the premier university in the Philippines, schools here would still choose a fresh graduate over me. He asked me, "What makes you think that?" He said that I just have to prove myself to the schools when they call me for casual teaching. I answered back, "But because I'm not white, I have to prove myself even more." and I burst into tears.

He said that that was my depressed mind talking. I shouldn't think that way, because it is not productive. But I told him that this was a common observation among Filipino teachers here. He kept saying things that did not make me feel good, and I really felt he didn't understand me. And I realized, he never will. He has never been in my position, his culture is totally different. I believe that in the White Aussie's head, he firmly believes he is not racist. He firmly believes that they are giving equal opportunities to the other races that come here. But because they do not bother to understand the cultures where the migrants come from, they do end up being racist, or at the very least biased against the migrants.

Also I have realized that the Aussies are really very different in temperament and personality from us Filipinos. When I told him how disappointed I was that my mom could not come visit me here earlier than usual, he just said "Now why would you want her here?" Iba talaga sila mag-isip. And no matter how I tried to explain about close family ties and support and just having the feeling that someone is on your side or that you have someone to lean on, he just didn't get it. I stopped trying to explain it to him.

I did get some positive things from our conversation but the biggest revelation was that these Aussies really have a low regard for me (what category is it that they place me under? Asian? Filipino? Non-white?) It disappointed me because this man was on my very short list of people I look up to here in Australia and I expected him to be more understanding of different cultures. But that is another observation I have made here. I have been to 3 counselors, and not once did I ever feel that they really understood me, or at the very least tried to understand me. As a counselor, I was trained to make my client feel at ease with me and let them feel my empathy and unconditional positive regard for them. Maybe they really just aren't a warm race.

So now, I have an even stronger resolve to make it good here and to prove to those Aussies who think they aren't racists but actually are, that we are as good, if not better than they are. I dont' want any favors from them, but I also don't want to be judged before I've even shown them what I'm capable of doing.

If you migrate here, the number one question you will keep asking no one in particular is...."How am I supposed to gain any experience if no one will give it to me?!!!!!" Now if you can figure that one out for yourself, you deserve a Nobel Prize for understanding twisted minds.