TIRED

Every Friday, I come home from work, and I tell Edge, "I'm so tired." And although work is mentally, physically and emotionally draining, a big part of my exhaustion comes from trying to fit in in the Australian workplace. My exact words to Edge are "Napagod ako, sa pakikisama sa mga puti!" Now whether this is something I have brought upon myself, or if it is a common reality of Filipinos working in predominantly "Anglo-Australian" workplaces, I don't know. I am just venting what I am feeling right now. I hope nobody takes this as a truth that I am putting out into the world. This is just me venting and saying I'm bl**dy tired! (Just a little private joke there....will explain later) Anyway, on to my venting.... I feel like I always have to prove myself, I always have to show them that I am not stupid, I am highly experienced, highly skilled, etc, etc. It's also hard having to often explain your side, explain where you are coming from.

It is frustrating not having your own network here, and not knowing how things are done. Back home, if I had a student who seemed to have the symptoms of ADHD, I'd know who to approach, which therapist was willing to give discounts for the not-so-rich, which therapist worked best with this kind of personality, etc etc. It's frustrating having to relearn everything, especially when back home, I had already reached a certain level of expertise.

It is frustrating when I see that the values I want my children to be brought up on, are not necessary valued by society at large. Oh don't get me started on their values! I think this is what frustrates me the most! It is frustrating that they dictate what you can and cannot do to your child, and yet their children have absolutely no discipline whatsoever.

I really don't know if I want to stay here. I think financially, if we stay, we'll do pretty well. A bit of good news.... EDGE PASSED HIS PEAT (ENGLISH TEST FOR TEACHERS)!!!!!! So if and when Edge gets a teaching job, then we will be relatively comfortable and we can realistically start thinking of buying a house. But what about all the other stuff? No, I don't want to go back and live in the Philippines. I don't know.....I just don't know. And we'll be eligible to apply for citizenship in 6 months.

I'm not too happy about my job either. I mean the job perks are great, and the pay is good, and stuff like that. But you know me, I am not happy at a job unless it fulfills me, unless I feel that I am making a positive contribution to society. The more I get to know about my job, the more I can see that it's not what I thought it would be. I thought I'd be dealing with children more. I thought I'd be more active in working with clients towards improving their lives. But I realized, all we really do is link people with services and make sure parents follow through with promises they made in court. Like I don't particularly relish nagging a client about going to the clinic to have a urine drug test done! Imagine, sometimes we even go to the extent of picking up the client from their house, taking him/her to the clinic and taking them back to the house! How spoiled can you get? It's starting to look like I'd rather work for the services that we link our clients up to! Most of my work is done on the telephone and the computer. It's not really waht I thought the job would be like.

Don't get me wrong. I'm really grateful I got this job. In fact, I don't want to leave the Department. What I'm going to do now is to research what other jobs there are within the Department that would suit me better.

I think I've also got major discrimination issues that arose because of the treatment that Edge and I have received from some people around here. So now I've become quite critical of many aspects of Australian culture and society. I really wish I could talk to professional Filipinos who have been here a long time and are happy with their decision to stay here. Somehow I'm going to get myself a list of Filipinos employed by DOCS. I have to find out if the problem is with me, or if the problem is outside of me, or most probably both.

I'm just really tired of having to prove myself, of not getting any action on the job, not being fulfilled, not being supported.

*** THE PRIVATE JOKE
OK, just to explain the private joke I mentioned earlier. Australia has launched this international ad campaign promoting Australia as a venue for tourists to visit. They show beautiful scenery, and bautiful people, and basically jsut show how beautiful, fun and exciting it is here in Australia. Then comes their slogan, "SO WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?" Personally, I found that to be so telling of Australian society but anyway...... Well, the UK felt it was a bit too much, and decided that they were banning the ad from their TV screens and other media. So the Tourism minister here says, "We were prepared for that....we have an ALTERNATIVE ad....." They have the same visuals but now the slogan goes "SO WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Sa buong Australia, ako lang ata ang natawa doon. Hay naku.


















I just think I don't fit in here!!!







!