SO OUT OF IT

There is no one to talk to here. No one. No one understands me. Hell, I can't understand myself either. About 4 months ago, my GP referred me to a counselor to help me through my adjustment period. I got a letter about a month ago saying that they would be able to accommodate me in 12 weeks' time. They'd give me a call to set the appointment. Up to this day, I have not heard from them. And I don't know -- I think a white person would not be able to relate to my problems (sorry if I'm being racist).

And much as I loved talking on the phone in Manila, I don't like talking on the phone here about problems or sad things. It's just too weird. Besides, you'd probably spend the first 30 minutes of the conversation making kumusta and all that ek-ek, especially if this would be my first time to call them from overseas. I'd rather be face to face, sitting in Starbucks Ash Creek, drinking a frappuccino, and eating Sotong.

Nobody understands me, or nobody bothers to understand me. Maybe because they've all got their own problems too which are as bad as mine. Pasensya na, I'm in self-pity mode. I'm not really talking about many of you in general. Just some. Or maybe just one. Hehehehe.....

I had two nice things done for me over the weekend. First, last Saturday, I went to the Filipino store to buy calamansi, but it was all gone! The woman who owns the store was there, and she asked her husband where he put the calamansi. The husband had kept it in the ref. He got the bag of calamansi and gave it to me. He GAVE it to me. As in gift. As in Thank you so much!!!!! Tuloy, we bought Graham crackers, Choc-nut, Snaku (for Diego) and Piknik (for Edge). That was so nice of him. I was so touched!

The second one was my dad and sister called me up today, out of the blue. Pala, Papa had read my blog and was worried that I might be depressed. That was so sweet! Of course, the call was bitin, the phone card had run out of time and so we were cut off.

I know that these are God's reminders that I am loved, and that He has not forsaken me. I just feel really lost and alone. The worst part is, there are times when I don't even feel like helping myself. I just want to wallow in self-pity and "winge" (a term I learned here in Australia -- meaning : to complain about anything and everything). I've got to get a job soon!

Plan B

I was feeling so low this morning. I was so pathetic, I was crying while watching "Strictly Ballroom"! How low is that? I don't know. I've just been feeling so lonely, so lost, confused, rejected, with no Plan B in sight.

It's been 7 weeks and I still haven't heard from that job I got interviewed for. I started feeling down when I asked myself what I was going to do if I do not get the job. I got depressed when I realized that there is no job for me out there if and when that happens! In desperation, I called Tita Reggie and blurted out, "Gusto ko nang umuwi sa Pilipinas!" But of course, I am not that serious. It would be, at most, a short term solution. Edge and I have weighed the pros and cons, and the scales are tipped heavily in Australia's favor. Tita Reggie said that the medicine for my ailment is TFC! Once I have it installed, I can see what's going on in the Philippines, and I'll never want to leave Australia again!

I've also been thinking, what if I'm in the wrong state? What if my luck lies in Melbourne? Or Queensland? Or Tasmania? (Haha! It gets so cold there!) But that would really be major!

Today, I helped out in Diego's class. In Sports! Of all subjects! They were practicing soccer skills. Diego's teacher took half of the class, I took another. She handled ball dribbling, I handled kicking into the goal. I knew a lot of the kids there because most of them had been in Diego's birthday party. I still knew most of their names so I was able to call them out. When Diego's teacher left to be with her group, I automatically went into "teacher mode". I demanded (firmly, yet kindly) that they form a straight line and keep quiet as I gave them instructions. I felt the familiar rush of being able to command the students to give you their attention and follow instructions. I had a great time! Time went by so quickly, both me and the kids were sorry that it had to end. Diego was smiling from ear to ear. I think he felt so proud that his mother was teaching in his class.

As Diego and I walked home this afternoon, I could feel that we were both feeling very good about ourselves. I came up with PLAN B!

I still want THAT job that I've been waiting for but if this is God's plan for me, I have rejected it many times, but I still keep getting calls to do casual teaching. Maybe God wants me to stay in teaching. So, I want to ask the school if I can volunteer regularly for Term 3 -- they can assign me anywhere, any grade, any subject, even for half days or whole days. In Term 4, they can call me for casual teaching. I am hesitant kasi to do casual teaching because I don't know how they do it here. But if I volunteer first, then I get the feel of how they do things here. Plus, there are no demands on me, because I'm just a volunteer, and a parent at that! I figure, it's a win-win situation for all of us. I hope it works out.

On Wednesday, I have a schedule to volunteer again, this time for Math. Edge is volunteering too, for sports in the afternoon. Diego should be very happy on that day! Hopefully, the principal notices that we are good teachers and who knows, he may hire us? Or, at the very least, when we apply to other schools, we can put in our resume that we have some teaching experience here, even if it's just volunteer work.

So now I'm feeling better, because I have a Plan B. Will keep you (my 2 faithful readers) posted about which plan gets implemented and how it's going.

MANA SA MAGULANG!

I bought a 120-page drawing book for Diego and he immediately went to work on his drawings. Here are some of them:


PIGLET

He got a Piglet toy in a McDonald's Happy Meal and it never leaves his side. This is his tribute to his new best friend.

THE WHITE WITCH

We just finished reading The Magician's Nephew and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. This is Jadis, from those two books.

FAT CATERPILLAR TURNS INTO BUTTERFLY

SELF-PORTRAIT DRIVING A TRUCK

Of course, when you buy for one, you have to buy for the other. Luis got a 60-page Batman drawing book. His work consists of mostly scribbles but these are two of his most impressive works:


BEDS

I am most impressed at the size progression exhibited here, much like the Goldilocks story. The biggest figure is labelled "Mama's bed", the figure in the middle is "Kuya's bed, that's up! Like in my room!" (Their bed is a double-decker bed), and the smallest one is "Baby's bed". I am amazed to see this in a 2 (and 3/4) year old kid!

GHOST!

It really does look like a ghost! I think he copied this image from his brother, but even if he did, it is amazing how he is able to control the pen enough to actually copy something his kuya made!

I am so proud of my boys!

OZ SCORES A POINT!

After the disappointing events of the past weeks, Australia has just scored a point in my book. For the first time in the six releases of this bestselling book, we hvae been able to buy HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE on the day and within minutes of its release in bookstores! And we got it for the very affordable price of A$22! (That's only P880 after conversion). Hardbound pa iyan! It is available in the mall for $30 but we found a store nearby that was selling it for only $22. In Manila, we not afford it(I remember Order of the Phoenix was selling for P1350 when it was first released) so we would just wait for relatives, friends, students or whoever else to finish reading their copies, then borrow it from them.

I was so pleased to see every single person coming out of that store with a copy of Harry Potter in their hands. Luckily we got there early enough. Hindi naman dinudumog but the copies were steadily disappearing off the shelf.

So now, I can sit back, relax, and read my Harry Potter book 6. I can tell I'm going to sleep late tonight!

TRAPPED

If all you guys are ready to give up on the Philippines, I am just about ready to give up on Australia. So many of you keep telling me how lucky I am to be here, well you guys don't know the half of it. No matter how bulok the Philippines can get, it's still a pretty good place to live!
I am doubly mad now at all politicians (the whole political spectrum) for messing up the country so much that I had to leave it to find "a better life for my kids". I had a terrific life in Manila. True, I had no future, no chance of buying my own house (a dream house at that!), owning a brand new car and travelling the world, but I had a lot of good things going for me!

1. I had a really good job that I loved, plus the fact that it fulfilled me. It's very rare that you get to have a job like that. I found meaning in my job, and I really felt that I was doing what God wanted me to do. My work fulfilled me mentally, spiritually, socially and psychologically. I got the recognition that I deserve, and I got to channel my creative energies in the service of the school. I was always learning new things and I had my fill of spiritual input.
2. I found a really good group of friends in school. I had been in Xavier for 10 years but it was only in my 9th year that I found a group of people whom I really enjoyed being with. They were sincere and turned out to be true friends. I loved hanging out with them at Starbucks (the tightwads that we were, only one of us would actually order Starbucks, the rest of us would order squid balls from Sotong!), eating at Angelo's and Pizza Hut, and watching movies at Galleria. We attended recollections together, and I could count on them to stay with me until Edge was finished with his training.
3. I had freedom. I could go anywhere I wanted, whenever I wanted. I could drive, I could leave the kids with the yaya, or sometimes with my Mom, Edge and I could even go off for a weekend together. No such thing here. We can't even watch a movie together (not only is it so expensive ($15 on a regular day, $7.50 on Tuesdays) but we can't leave the kids with anyone!). In Manila, if I felt like going to the mall, I could easily drive there and back. Here, because I failed that %@#*&$%%!!!! driving test (whoever said driving on the left side of the road was more efficient?) I can't go anywhere far!

But, Edge and I were discussing this last night, we can't go back home, even if we seriously wanted to.

1. we don't have any job
   
2. we wouldn't have a house
   
3. we wouldn't have a car
   
4. we wouldn't have a school to put Diego in
   
5. we still have to pay for some loans that we made over here
   
6. we don't have pamasahe!

So we're stuck here for now. Trapped in this crazy land that values the "Footy Show" over CSI Las Vegas. Imagine!

SO FAR AWAY

flag2
Originally uploaded by msgorgeous.

Last night, my friend Rina and I were texting each other. She told me that it was so chaotic in Manila, and in fact there was something going on in Makati at that moment. She was stranded in Xavier (I guess due to traffic? Re-routing? Transport strike?) but luckily her brother was able to fetch her. I quickly texted my mom, who always knows what is going on. She said the GMA Resign movement was gaining support. "Please go to inq7.net" were my mother's instructions.

This morning, the obedient daughter that I am, I went to the Inquirer website, which had to revert to a low-graphic version of its site due to the volume of visitors to their page. I can imagine that every single Filipino who is overseas is constantly checking their site for updates! I cried as I read the news stories. I cried, as a mother cries when she sees her child do something wrong. This so-called democracy that we have, I was one of those who risked my life to put it into place. I was one of those who fought to put President Arroyo into power, even if I did not fully believe in her. I feel so sad, betrayed, disappointed, and in despair. Was everything we did during those two bloodless revolutions all for naught?

Nakakabwisit na talaga ang mga nagpapatakbo ng Pilipinas! Wala nang inisip kundi ang mga sarili nila! Di na ba sila nahiya sa mga taong nagsakripisyo para sa kanila? Wala ba talaga silang paki sa Pilipinas? Di na baling mabulok siya, basta sila, busog ang kanilang mga tiyan at bulsa?

I refuse to believe that the Philippines cannot produce a strong, credible and righteous leader who can lead the country out of its misery. The problem is, the existing structures will not allow this person/people to emerge. The existing structures are there to allow corruption and nepotism to be used at a maximum by the people in power. It sickens me. It disgusts me. I really cannot imagine any solution to the present crisis that we are in. I really feel I have given up on the existing system. I feel it is time for something new. Of course I have not studied sociology or political science and what I am suggesting may be tantamount to dooming the country to suicide, but that is my amateur opinion on the matter.

I also shed a tear this morning because never have I felt so far away from the Philippines as I do now. If I were there, I would surely be in the thick of things. If I were there, I'd probably be tagging along with my mom to whatever masses or gatherings there would be. And now, I have to content myself with going to the Inquirer website, and trying to access the GMA video (which I cannot for the life of me figure out). Last night, Edge's bid to have TFC installed in our house gained ground as we sat in bed, hungry for news about Manila.

Although I have left the Philippines, my love for her has not diminished. I am, and always will be Filipino. I always tell my kids, "You are not Aussies! You are Filipinos!" I hope that by exposing my kids to a better life, to a system that works better than the one we have in the Philippines, they would one day go home to the Philippines and apply things that they have learned over here. Maybe they can come up with a better way when they grow up. I realized that if I kept them in the Philippines, all they would know would be a corrupt and inefficient way of running the country. (I'm sure there is also corruption here in Australia, but at least most of the things around here work!) I hope I will be able to instill in my children a passionate love for the Philippines, strong enough for them to want to do something for her one day when they are old enough.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas! God save the Philippines!

TITA CHITA VISITS SYDNEY

Tita Chita and the boys
Originally uploaded by msgorgeous.

Tita Chita, one of my mom's best friends, was in Sydney this week to attend a conference. She stayed at the Grace Hotel in Sydney. We went to see her Friday night, July 8, at her hotel. It took forever to find parking, and when we finally did, it cost AU$17 an hour! Grabe! So we parked for only an hour, just enough time to go up to Tita chita's room and do a little chika-chika.



Then we went to Chinatown and ate in the foodcourt of the building where we parked. Yummy Chinese food! We had salt and pepper squid, mixed vegetables, honey chicken (my all-time favorite), pansit, some beef dish, and chicken teriyaki.

Then we walked over to the Darling Harbour playground. The kids ran around and the adults talked a bit. It was so good to see Tita Chita. I only wish we could have spent more time together, but she had to leave the next day. Come back soon, Tita Chita. And next time, stay for a longer time!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA!

lola w boys
Originally uploaded by msgorgeous.

July 5 marks the second birthday of Joshua, youngest son of Chinny, my cousin. My family got there a little late because Edge came from work. When we got there, Mari (Chinny's brother)and family had just left.

It was a simple merienda but the food was so good! I think it was Tita Reggie (Chinny's mom) who made Vietnamese lumpia with coriander and mint leaves (I must have eaten about 4!), and of course, her pansit. There was also delicious Pinoy-style barbecue from the Filipino store in Rooty Hill, and Chocolate Cheesecake (which we were not allowed to eat until we had gone through Tita Reggie's pansit!) Angelica (Chinny's sister) then ordered three pizzas for dinner.



It was a wild afternoon! The kids were running all over the place, and when they got Edge to play with them, were scrambling all over him, hanging from his arms and begging him to teach them how to do flips. Miggy (the one in the picture, on the left) was not feeling well as he had been rushed to the hospital at 4 am that morning due to an asthma attack.

I always love visiting with my cousins. I also love that my kids get along so well with their cousins. I hope the good feelings go all around!