FORGIVE AND FORGET

I wrote this more than a year ago. I just found it recently and thought I should share it with whoever would be interested to read it.
I try my best not to do any wrong against my fellowmen, which is why I cannot understand it when they hurt me. Even if I do not know the person, I very consciously always try to do the right thing. I guess I live by the Golden Rule. Thus, when other people hurt me, intentionally, it is so hard for me to forgive.

When people I love hurt me, I usually give them many chances, but once they cross the point of no return, forgiveness comes at a price. But because I love them, I continue to love them, in spite of what they did to me. And so their crime gets buried under the present day positive things going on, but sometimes when the relationship is not-so-good, the crime resurrects its ugly head and wreaks havoc on the world above. But I guess, since those relationships are based on love, the relationship continues and love always wins out in the end.

Now, when it is done by people I don’t love (not necessarily hate, these are people I couldn’t care less about, whether good things happen to them or bad) forgiveness is not a priority. I understand how in loving relationships you can hurt a person. Maybe it’s because of the closeness, sometimes you are too close to the problem that you do not see it for what it really is. What I especially cannot understand is how you can hurt a person who has never done anything to hurt you. I think that is the most despicable thing in the world that one can do. Oftentimes, one can hurt a person they don’t know, but quite accidentally. When that happens to me, I try my best to make it up to that person.

I’ve had a few people hurt me in the past. There was one person who hurt me, and my negative feelings towards that person really consumed me. But lately, I was hurt again, and this hurt has made all my past hurts seem miniscule in comparison. The people on my former “intense negative feelings” list have now been upgraded to the “don’t have any feelings for them” list because this new person’s crime just takes up all the space available on the “intense negative feelings” list. In fact, I want this person to feel every bit of pain that she has caused me, and if possible even more. My purpose for this is for this person to know how hurtful her actions were and how they have far-reaching effects. I want this person to know how selfish she is, and to face the consequences of her actions. But I guess I’m only human and maybe what is at the very core of this wish is revenge.

But I believe in karma. What goes around comes around. And if people don’t right their wrongs, their wrongs come back to haunt them. Karma will take care of this person.

In the meantime, I keep trying to learn the art of forgiveness. I just had a thought. Those people on my “don’t have any feelings for them list”, maybe they have been upgraded because I have started to forgive them. But forgiveness is such a hard road to follow. There are lots of blocks along the way. Many times you stumble and fall, many times you turn back and find yourself at the start of the course.

Life is so complicated. It’s so hard to be good.